Mass Printed Red Flags

It’s surreal sometimes how the smallest things were probably the loudest things trying to get my attention and say look at me!! There’s something missing here!! Pay attention!!

Today as I was slowly going through the three boxes that contained within them the very few unnecessary processions that I as a woman have held onto, I came upon a card from my ex-husband. It shocked me a little as I have thrown out any gifts, he every had the thought to give me, I burned all pictures of him and I, except of course the very few that contained my children in them as well. After the shock passed, I opened it and it said what any other mass printed, store boughten card would say. How lucky he felt to have me as a wife, how he would never stop trying to tell me so and how he would never stop showing me because he loved me and would always need me more than anything. Two things entered my mind as I looked at this card that had been given to me on my birthday, what year I do not know. One thought was how easily words can be said, written, or typed and believed. All these printed words were ones any woman and wife would love to read. I began to wonder how many of the words did he even feel back when he bought this card. Did he just scan it and say this sounds good? Did he actually read them and think this is exactly how I feel? The second thing that I thought was how sad it was that as I looked over the card there were no written words from him. Only the love husband at the end. No written words to express any type of sentiment or emotions, only the pre-printed words. Why I never thought of this as sad before and it made me see just how blind I was or maybe how accepting of unacceptable actions I was. Don’t get me wrong the card was a wonderful thought but why no written words from him? I wasn’t asking for a story but maybe a few sentences of something that was actually from him?     Maybe I am putting too much into a card, but I believe that actions speak loudly, they are what make your eyes see and your heart believe. When I think back to all the cards, I had gotten him I always wrote into them several lines because to me, a mass printed card just wasn’t good enough. It’s surreal sometimes how the smallest things were probably the loudest things trying to get my attention and say look at me!! There’s something missing here!! Pay attention!! It gets frustrating sometimes because if I had taken those blinding sunglasses off sooner, maybe I wouldn’t have almost 40 years of my life, packed into three small boxes. Maybe I wouldn’t have had to give up so much to get away and heal. Maybe just maybe I wouldn’t have giving so much time to such an unworthy man.

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