Choosing Men Like Nail Polish

Then it hit me……Am I choosing men in my life like nail polish? And to my upmost disgust I realized, I am!!

I’m not sure when this world changed and created such a hard environment to meet a person. Being newly single after 20+ years of marriage to my high school sweetheart left me with this excited yet scary feeling! Yes, you can laugh now at my stupidity for thinking that dating was going to be amazing! I was shocked to learn that we no longer meet a person the old way, you know at a store when you are shopping, maybe at a restaurant or here’s an idea maybe when you are at a movie theater. Nope! These are no longer things that happen! All that it required is a simple dating app! Yes, my friends, you download this app that once installed connects you 1000s of “single” people out there who are like you, out there searching for a partner in this huge hot mess we call life! These apps come in many forms but the basics of them are, you look at a few pictures, see the information that the people have provided and make a choice. You swipe right to like them and left to discard them. Wow right! So simple.

I was in deep thought one day and started to think we make many life choices on what we see and read on the internet, where we click and swipe away. We turn to search apps and websites to choose a new phone and plan, what about our car insurance? And our health insurance? We even do this for simple things like choosing shoes and even nail polish. For some reason I got stuck on nail polish, I am looking at the bright picture on the screen, the packaging and the color makes me click on it. I then read about how it is an amazing color that last so many days without chipping. Yes!! Just what I need!! What I need, definitely has nothing to do with the fact that we all know the chances of this color looking as amazing as it does in the pictures and lasting as long as it has stated is pretty slim to none…. kind of like the odds you face when you are gambling at a casino. Then it hit me……Am I choosing men in my life like nail polish? And to my upmost disgust I realized, I am!!

I am getting on an app or website, on which I am looking at pictures and reading the words that said man has provided and making judgements on whether or not I could possibly like them? Or at the very least spend time on them. The “shopping” for a man doesn’t end there, if you swipe left then the guy ends up at the bottom of the deck, don’t worry, he will resurface again. If you swipe right, then the game is just beginning. First quarter is when you have to become a private investigator and see if what this man has advertised is really who he is. Are they really the age they claim? Do they really have a job or are they an “entrepreneur”? Is “roommate” code for ex-wife, baby mama or mother? Everything checks out, then on to the next quarter we go. This is where you meet at a public place and see if you have a connection at all and if you want to spend any more time on this. Another issue may be resolved at this time and that is if he is interested in you or your vagina. If there is any attempt at sex the first meeting know that he wants the vagina and most likely that’s all. If you make it past the meet and greet without a flag on the play, then it’s on to the final quarter where you will converse with this person and see where their true colors lie. Here is where you may get many flags on the play, because you will see who they are when you refuse to send them nudies or fail to talk dirty back to them. Then there are also the ones who get offended when they send you an unsolicited picture of their penis and you tell them not to contact you anymore. Thus, the game is over, and you have to start all over again.

Dating now and days is a complete shit show with no guarantees or return policies. The amount of disappointment can be rather depressing, which I personally have enough of without voluntarily adding more!! All this modern world bull shit is all anticlimactic…the nail polish with its false claim of not chipping, the dating app for saying it would help me find a mate. There are some things that shouldn’t be chosen over an app or website.


My Great Plan!!

When I was younger, I had my whole life planned out.  I was going to go to college, get a degree in whatever it was I wanted to be, which for the most part was a writer.  I was going to get a great job, make OK money, get married to my soul mate, buy a house and raise a normal, happy, family. However, things didn’t work out that way.  I am not sure if it is the failure of my plan that makes me feel as if I am some sort of loser or the fact that I feel like I’ve let myself down.  I feel like there is this little girl inside of me, standing in the corner of the room with her arms crossed, tapping her foot impatiently.  I imagine any minute, she will burst out with some profane words, start stomping, jumping up and down, throwing a temper tantrum!! Then she will look at me with utter disgust and disappointment!!!  I start feeling that feeling inside, like when I was 8 or so and really wanted something for Christmas really bad, but didn’t get it.  That sense of disappointment sits inside of me, like a heavy rock that seems to weigh me down.  Keeping me from really feeling any sense of emotions in life.  No sense of real happiness, joy or accomplishment.  I am scared by this because I do not want to become some cynical, old, bitter person.  Images of an old, lady sitting at a table with her cane as her only friend, sucking down cold coffee and blowing rancid cigarette smoke around herself, using it as a shield to protect her from all the great things in life.  A saying from a corny movie I love starring Meg Ryan, “You People Make My Ass Twitch.”, would be this old woman’s motto!!  So I put this out there, wondering if I am the only one who feels like this?  I plan on writing more about everything, and if no one reads it (which won’t be a surprise to me, knowing my luck!), then at least I have let out one of my many thoughts that I have kept within!!